She had worn herself out, exhausted herself with every vain attempts in hopes that it would rid her mind of the thoughts that consumed. No matter what she did or what emotion she tried to overlap the soul rendering emotion of a broken heart, the same emotion would always return. The grief, the loneliness, the agony bled through the undying love she couldn't stop from feeling.

Spade had tried so hard to make the feeling go away, once he had come in her life she had denied it for so long but when he left... that was when the reality set in and the world seemed to crash around her. Even the air she breathed in made her feel like she was suffocating. This was hardly existing, not without him. Spade understood now that you never realized how you could feel for another until they were gone. That very life lesson seemed to be inflicted upon her over and over again any more.

The loss of so many had left her painting on the cheery, mischievious, flirty facade they expected of her, what they didn't realize was deep beneath that veener of painted emotion she was dying inside and breaking a bit more. She wouldn't let them see, especially on those nights when she felt like maybe he was there watching her. She would just straighten her back a bit more, watt up her smile, and share that spirit she was notorious for.

It helped cover the fact that each night she prayed someone would end her misery. She had tried to hate him, had made every vain attempt to cease the emotions that stirred through her as a blissful wildfire but still they remained... and for what? Nothing.

Everyone left her behind. Just like they always did. How and why would he be any different.

She had believed in him for so long it was hard to believe that perhaps she was better off understanding what it must be like to possess faith in nothing.

Another night over with a plastered on smile before she could lock the world away from her with just the close of her bedroom door.

Only then would she truly fall apart as she sank down the length of the door and ended in a crumpled heap on the floor.

All in ruins for the fact she was just a little too late in telling him she loved him, it was far too late... and she had lost it all...

with just one slight of hand, Spade had lost it all.